The Life of a SubmissiveThe Life of a Submissive 
The life of a submissive involves trust and control. When he finds a dominant he trusts, he allows her to exert control over him. That is a key aspect of dominance-submission. The dominant doesn't take control -- the submissive relinquishes it.

People Who Submit
Some people are naturally submissive. Sometimes having to make decisions paralyzes them. They may lack self-confidence, or they may simply prefer to focus on other aspects of life. Perhaps they grew up with controlling parents and, therefore, feel comfortable in this paradigm. Or they may simply believe in a conventional style of relationship, meaning one person is head of the household. Ultimately, they do not want to make decisions. They welcome dominance.

However, naturally submissive people are not the only people who indulge in submissive role play fantasies. In fact, some of the most powerful men and women prefer to go home to a

dominatrix

. They have to make decisions often on a large scale every day, all day long. The last thing they want to do is go home and make more decisions. They prefer to go home and submit.

Either way, a submissive is not ashamed of his role it is simply who he is as a person.

Control Game
The

dominatrix

does not exert complete control. She is not free to do whatever she wants to the submissive. She does, in fact, have many responsibilities.

First of all, she cannot violate the bottom's hard limits, or activities that the submissive absolutely refuses to engage in. Second, she must cease play if the submissive utters the safe word or gives some other agreed-upon signal that play has gone far enough. She is also responsible for being attentive to the needs of her submissive she's in control, so she bears full responsibility for everything that happens within a scene.

Likewise, the submissive is not powerless. A bottom's greatest source of power is manipulation. He may engage in psychological games to get the

dominatrix

to do what he wants. For instance, if he relishes punishment, he may act out on purpose so that the dominant is forced by the nature of the play to give in to that desire.

The control game is what saves dominance-submission from becoming abuse. The submissive is right where he wants to be. He also has protocols put into place in case the situation goes beyond his comfort.

Play vs. TPE
Some people choose to indulge in the dominant-submissive lifestyle only on a casual basis. They may join clubs or get to know others in the lifestyle who also enjoy playing. In this case, two people may set up a scene that involves dominance and submission.

Scenes are situations in which individuals act out power fantasies. They can be as simple as the

dominatrix

ordering her submissive around, or they can become elaborate role plays involving props. These scenes are considered play only if the relationship does not extend beyond the scene. However, they may also be part of an established Total Power Exchange relationship.

Total Power Exchange, TPE, is a stable relationship in which the dominant and submissive have entered into a serious partnership. They generally negotiate terms, including safe words and hard limits. Sometimes these terms are written into formal contracts.

This negotiation is necessary because in a TPE relationship, the submissive turns over total control to the dominant. The

dominatrix

might control every aspect of the household, including finances. She dictates how and when the submissive may speak to her and to others. She may dictate matters of nutrition, health, hygiene and even occupation. She controls of her submissive, 24/7.

Relationship
If the dominance-submission transcends play, the pair is involved in a mutually-devotional relationship. The

dominatrix

often exhibits great affection for her bottom. She takes care of him sometimes in the manner of a cherished pet. The submissive for his part usually wishes to please his

dominatrix

. These desires stem from emotion. Love is as likely in a dominant-submissive stable relationship as it is in a power-neutral relationship.

Signals and Social Conventions
When a

dominatrix

takes her bottom out, she may choose to affix some sign of their relationship to his person. The most common signal of his status is a collar. Sometimes the dominant may even attach a leash to the collar. However, the bottom may wear a harness instead, be tattooed with her mark, or even just wear a traditional wedding ring.

Within the lifestyle, certain social conventions must be maintained. Depending on the level of control, the

dominatrix

may dictate when and to whom her bottom speaks. However, sometimes the submissive is only required to ask permission before speaking to another dominant.

SMBD
The

dominatrix

-slave lifestyle is not just about sex, though the roles are taken into the sexual forum. Likewise, sado-masochism and bondage-domination are not always aspects of the dominant-submissive lifestyle. They are, however, the sex acts most associated with the lifestyle.

In a traditional role play, the submissive receives the dominant's sadism. However, if a dominant enjoys pain, the submissive may well take orders in how to administer the pain.

Generally speaking, the submissive will not bind the dominant as this transcends their roles. Likewise, even when giving pain, it is unlikely he is doing so as "discipline," but rather in the pleasing of his "top."

Ultimately, the life of a submissive may be less confusing that someone in a power-neutral relationship because so much negotiation goes into the partnership before it ever begins.

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Patricia Medical Sado
Spanish Dominatrix
Spanish Dominatrix

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