The Life of a DominatrixLife as a

Dominatrix

With the popularity of the book series, “Fifty Shades of Grey,” the world of bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism, or BDSM, has intrigued many people who were unaware such a world existed. Unfortunately, too many people have the wrong idea about BDSM, and especially about women who choose to work, either professionally or recreationally, as a

dominatrix

.

What is a

Dominatrix

?


According to the Urban Dictionary, a

dominatrix

, or domme, is a woman who practices BDSM in everyday life and who controls her partner mentally and physically. In other words, a domme is a woman who is paid to control someone, normally in a sexual way. 

Clothing Choices

The stereotypical

dominatrix

is dressed in stiletto heels, black leather and sometimes even a mask, holding whips or straps. In actuality, women who engage in the practice often dress as normally as everyone else on the street. Often, clients request specific clothing for sessions, although common attire includes heels between five and seven inches, stockings with a garter, a corset and tight shorts. Some choose tight spandex, leather vests, as well as latex or vinyl clothing that gives a wet look that many in the business say clients find sexy.

Tools of the Trade

There are many different tools in a

dominatrix

arsenal, and use of them varies with each client. All have whips, chains and straps, as well as paddles, which are used to punish clients, often called “slaves” by those in the business. However, even common household items are often part of a BDSM appointment, such as hair brushes, bedroom slippers and common belts. Some incorporate medical scenarios into the role play, while others use typical dungeon-like surroundings, with human sized cages, torture wheels and other devices. 

Typical Clients

A

dominatrix

performs acts of domination on clients from every aspect of the social spectrum. They are the same average people seen at the local grocery store, on the subway or at school events. Most times, clients are successful as hiring someone to dominate is expensive. Often, people with considerable power in their regular life enjoy the feeling of submission with a domme in an effort to escape from the need to make decisions and instruct people what to do. Most in the profession say that clients become friends as there needs to be a considerable amount of trust between the one being dominated and the one doing the domination. 

Normal Workday

For professional

dominatrix

, the job is simply that – a job. Their day often starts at around 10 AM, as there is often a lunch rush as businessmen attempt to fit in a quick session between meetings. However, there are times when a client needs appointments after the typical work day, which means that someone in the profession may work nights and weekends as well. Some say that daytime sessions were less intimate than evening sessions, but that is not always the case.

Sex Not Required

Although being a

dominatrix

is considered part of the sex business, the majority of them do not have sex with their clients. In most cases, clients were seeking fulfillment of erotic fantasies, and most are not there for intercourse. There are those that perform sexual acts, including using sexual aids to perform intercourse or allowing a client to perform oral sex as part of a fantasy, depending on what the client requests and the domme is comfortable doing. There are those who say that acting out fantasies for someone else, especially a female fulfilling a male fantasy, is against many feminist beliefs. However, most in the profession say that they find that dominating others, even in humiliating ways, makes them feel as if they have a sense of power, as if they can do anything they want, which is what feminists want women to believe.

Man Haters

There are many who believe that all women who act as a

dominatrix

hate men, and that they get pleasure from humiliating men. The fact is that most women who enter the profession do so for the sense of power, as well as a sense of “pushing the envelope.” In addition, it is not only men who use the services of a domme, as some women prefer to visit a female domme than a male for security reasons or a sense that women are less likely to go too far.

Rules of the Industry

The first rule in being a domme is understanding that clients are not looking for someone who is gentle and nice. They are seeking someone who is controlling, domineering and manipulative. They want to relinquish control to someone else, and having the domineering person be gentle is usually not in their fantasy. A domme must be sure her stance, her clothing and her facial expressions match the fantasy she is trying to fulfill. They are also in tune with the danger aspect of their line of work, and many say they use their inner voice to decide when to exit a situation. Dommes say that the entire process is meant to be play, not abuse or torture, even though to an outsider it may appear that way. They always use a safe word, which is decided before any action begins, so that the submissive is able to stop anything that is happening, while the domme makes it clear what acts they will not perform before beginning sessions as well. Nudity is often forbidden by a domme, although the client may be nude, especially those who refuse to engage in sexual acts.

The life of a domme is much like the life of many other business people throughout the world. They perform a service for those who need an escape from reality, or who work in high-pressure positions who simply need someone else to be dominant for a while. Despite beliefs to the contrary, those in the profession are not prostitutes, and many refuse to engage in sexual acts with clients. Instead, the focus is on fulfilling fantasies and helping others create balance in their life.

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Spanish Dominatrix
Spanish Dominatrix


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